Thursday, December 1, 2016


Thursday afternoon, I'm in the Luxembourg Garden writing postcards to friends I lost a lifetime ago. The air smells of spring and graveyards, I'm the only one in sight wearing all black (and Philipp Plein stiletto heels). Asian tourists in beige parkas are shamelessly taking pictures of me like I'm part of the scenery. I'm not even trying to fake a smile.

Then, just as I'm about to pack up and leave, I spot him on the other end of the fountain. He's in his Wayfarer shades and the Etro scarf I got him for Christmas two years ago, alone and purposely heading nowhere. He looks right through me for what feels like forever, then turns away and disappears like a magician in the crowds, leaving me broken and breathless and cold. It's the first time I've seen him since I returned to Paris, even though I've spent months looking for him in the streets of Saint-Germain.

Whether it's a hollow fantasy or the remains of too many beautiful dreams, I stumble towards my hotel thinking that maybe he saw me and is now secretly following me back. I only stop waiting after an hour sitting on the floor outside my room, the cleaning staff carelessly stepping over me like I'm trash. I guess they've seen far worse sides of me.


  1. I guess sometimes it's about dreaming out loud.

  2. I see ghosts everywhere too, and I don't even believe in them.

  3. An awake dream that seems so real... I have those too... the dream always leaves you wondering ♡♡♡

  4. Hi,
    I've been a silent follower and reader of your posts, and I must say I love the way you paint a picture so effortlessly with words.

    Hopelessly Hopeful

  5. Maybe he's looking for you the same way you're looking for him

  6. I just had that kind of dream. Oh the feeling it leaves us.

  7. that girl is a real crowd pleaser...

  8. I love the way you write, you catch me in the first sentence! keep going!

    Please visit my Blog!

    Alessa Bernal

  9. Such amazing, incredible writing oh my goodness. I am totally hooked, this was incredible, please keep writing I want nothing more than to keep reading!

    // Jeani